The PhoneBoy Blog


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Improving Marital Relations

My wife and I had gotten into the habit of “not talking” to one another. Now it’s not as if my wife and I never talk at all, and it’s not as if the relationship with my wife is horrible. But we’re not close. We haven’t been for a while. Sure, we talk. But it’s always about “the kids” or “my latest trip to California” or something else that is more about day-to-day living and less about our relationship. Despite this, we manage things fairly well and have no major fights.

Even so, I’ve been really unhappy with our relationship as of late. Not because there has been conflict, but because I want things that aren’t happening. This evening, I decided to confront my wife about it. Perhaps not the best night since my wife was extra tired, but she was at least willing to talk.

What it boils down to is that my wife thinks I spend too much time on the computer and that causes her not to want to talk to me. She really doesn’t like it when I bring my laptop downstairs in the evening. She finds it threatening. Actually, she finds most of my computers “threatening” somehow, even though they are responsibile for generating the vast majority of our income. I don’t understand. It’s something I’m going to have to ask her about another time.

Part of my nocturnal computer time was excusable as a result of working on the two books I wrote. Lately, the thing that’s been taking the time has been Voxilla-related stuff and participation in a few other online forums. My wife isn’t entirely happy with be “having a second job” as it were. Trying to explain why I am doing it may be an exercise in futility, or at least an exercise for another time. It boils down to wanting career growth in a somewhat different area than I currently work.

If there is going to be any sort of “connected” relationship with my wife, then I need to disconnect from the computer for at least part of the evening and spend some time with my wife. It’s going to take a while to build that bridge back, but it’s a bridge I definately need to rebuild if I am going to be happy.

Unfortunately, my wife and I have had this conversation before. My past history in actually following through with this isn’t so hot. This time, I hope to be able to follow through. And maybe I can explain to her why I am doing this Voxilla stuff in the process… :)


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